


The Price To Be Paid

by zams



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 04:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zams/pseuds/zams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Steve loves Tony, but Tony doesn't love him.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Price To Be Paid

+++

Every night it’s harder to leave.

Steve may be a bit naïve when it comes to certain things – a result of the seventy year chuck of time he’s missing and doesn’t think he’ll ever fully understand – but there are some things that are too blunt to misinterpret. It was impossible to miss the way Tony tensed after they had sex the first time. When they were lying in bed, winded and hot, nearly touching as they stared at the ceiling and recovered, Steve had never felt as close to another person as he did Tony in that perfect, quiet moment. It felt completely natural to reach out to him; Steve wanted to touch him, wanted to have Tony near and somehow convey all the things he was feeling that he had no words to describe. He wanted to know he wasn't alone, that maybe Tony was feeling the same as he was.

But Tony flinched. 

At the lightest brush of Steve’s fingers on his forearm, Tony flinched and pulled away from him. It was subtle, barely noticeable, but Steve felt it like a jolt, unexpected and painful. It shattered that perfect, quiet moment into tiny, jagged pieces that Steve knew he never would be able to fit back together. 

Steve shouldn't have been surprised. Tony's guarded, keeping his feelings locked away behind the high, nearly impenetrable walls he's built around his heart because trust is something that Tony gives cautiously. Steve knew all this before he let Tony drag him to bed, and Tony certainly never made any promises to him. It was all Steve - he convinced himself that there weren't insurmountable obstacles standing between them, convinced himself that someday Tony would allow Steve in his heart the same way Tony's in his. 

Tony would surely tease him if Tony knew about all the hopes Steve's been harboring – perhaps even scoff in disbelief and derision – but Steve’s long past the point of letting Tony belittle his feelings, even if Tony doesn’t know Steve has them. If Steve thought it would make a difference, if Tony would care at all, Steve would take the chance and admit his love to Tony. But it would be futile; Steve doesn't need to be genius to realize that. Steve feels hardly closer to Tony than before they made things physical between them, and it's been months, months of having sex that's frenzied and frantic, and slow and leisurely in turns, sex that Steve's becoming increasingly addicted to, and still Tony's never asked Steve to stay with him after.

And so Steve leaves Tony every night when he's still hot from exertion and pleasure's still faintly thrumming through his body, when he wants nothing more than to hold Tony close and feel him relax as the day's stress bleeds out of him, when he wishes he could kiss Tony, whisper _I love you_ in his ear and have Tony whisper the words back. It goes against every instinct Steve has to leave Tony, but he does because that's what Tony wants. Tony wants his body, but nothing else, and Steve has to find a way to make peace with that, or he'll lose the tiny part of Tony that he has. 

But every night it's harder to leave, and Steve's not sure how much longer he can continue this like he feels nothing and like nothing's wrong. Soon something will have to give, soon something will have to break, and Steve knows it will be him who pays the price.

**END**


End file.
